It occurred to me quite promptly recently that even though I have lost my mother to cancer at a relatively young age, I still consider myself to be one of the lucky ones. It may be the perspective my mum taught me – to always remember what you have, rather than what you don’t, but I feel blessed that she was such an amazing person and I was lucky enough to be her daughter.
This feeling came about after a series of my beautiful clients were having to reflect back in time and re-live their abusive childhoods. Emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, neglect or exposure to adult ideas at too early an age, too many people are affected by the events of the past and mistakes of their caregivers. It’s traumatic and difficult for them to go back, feel the emotions again in order to work through the pain and come out the other end feeling empowered, light and free.
It was after a number of these sessions that it struck me. I may not have had the most perfect childhood, mum worked full time, dad worked away from home 4 days a week and we had stras (luncheon meat… *shudder*) sandwiches defrosted for lunch far too many times, but I always had the opportunity to speak my mind and be hugged when I needed it. And touch is so important for children as we now all know.
Particularly as an adult, I’ve been truly blessed by having such a strong, supportive and reflective mentor in my mother. It may have been for a short while and I crave her presence every single day, but so many people don’t get that opportunity. They don’t have that connection and unconditional love from a mother. They don’t have the role model who is non-judgemental, open to new ideas, encouraging and most importantly, understanding that her past ways weren’t necessarily the best ways. That’s how we evolve – by doing things better.
Words simply can’t express how much I miss her. I suspect they never will. But I will be forever grateful for the upbringing I had and the friendship that grew in adulthood. That makes me most blessed.