Recently I felt the heavy cloak of darkness. While I often write during these times, I rarely publish them. But this time was different. I felt the draw of another who may benefit from knowing all these feelings are normal, regular feelings that no doubt we all feel from time to time. After a few days of feeling, I searched for a sign to pull myself from the depths and back to the light. It was in a simple quote that pulled me this time… (it’s not always that easy for me)
If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.– Wayne Dyer
I feel like I’m dying inside. Isolated. Lonely. But with people all around me.
I feel like I’m locked inside a glass prison. I can see outside, I can almost touch the tools I need to free myself. But yet, my body won’t allow me to move.
I’m stuck. Stuck being broken. I feel like I’m screaming inside. I reach out for help, but the language I’m speaking can’t be understood by those I lean on. They can’t hear my cries. They can’t see my pain.
I feel like I’m getting crushed on the inside. Being pulled in every direction. Every direction except grounded.
I feel blessed inside. Like I have nothing to complain about. Yet the loneliness and grief drown my heart and highlight the empty void that loved ones once filled.
I feel unbearable grief inside. The longing for the very people who understood me by simply looking at me or hearing my voice. The ones who were there for me no matter what… they’re gone. They took my heart with them.
I feel lost inside. Lost without the wise guidance of elders to guide me. Nobody to look up to. I’m standing on a path in a deep, dark forest, yearning for the wisdom to know which way is forward.
I feel hope inside. Hope that having to sit through the darkness of a long, wild night, I will once again pick up my baggage and find a new, brave morning.