The peculiar thing about death is that the world goes on around you, as if nothing has happened. You feel like you’re dying inside, like a part of your heart has just been taken. Yet the world around you goes buzzing along as if nothing has changed.

It’s such a personal, private thing to grieve. Perhaps that’s why the world must keep spinning. Every day the energy of the world is changing. Souls leaving. Souls entering. It’s just that when you lose one of those souls, you become innately aware that death changes everything in your world.

You become shockingly aware of what you had, what you’ll miss. Something that was there every single day will now be missing. Life as you knew it will change. Time will help you adapt to it, but in those first few moments, those first few days, weeks and months, you simply don’t know how life can go on without that beautiful soul.

Even when you’ve been through death before, nothing can prepare you for the next. Each soul entwines your heart differently. Loving you differently. Changing your life differently. And all we’re left with are photos, memories and the lessons they taught us along the way.

Some may see terminal illness as a tragedy. But I see it as a gift. So many souls are lost suddenly. Without the opportunity to make most of the time you have left. We all have a limited time on this planet and some have less than others. But when you know it’s coming, you squeeze every last moment with them and savour it. You’ll always wish you’d savoured the time more but one day you’ll be at peace with the fact you just couldn’t have loved them any more than you already did.

“And if you have a minute why don’t we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know
This could be the end of everything
So why don’t we go somewhere only we know”
– Keane

Life goes on as it always has. Only we know what we shared with each beautiful soul. And only we can get through the pain of living life without them.

In memory of the best friend a family could ever have.
20.10.2009 – 27.06.2018